Winnipeg Declares ‘T-Shirt Weather’ at -5°C

By Wade Frost – St. John’s, Newfoundland

WINNIPEG – After weeks of -40°C windchill and snowbanks the size of SUVs, the city of Winnipeg has officially declared -5°C to be ‘t-shirt weather,’ with locals ditching their parkas and heading outside like it’s a summer day in Miami.

“Ah sure, ‘tis just a bit nippy now,” said one Winnipegger, cracking open a cold one in his driveway while standing in three feet of melting snow.

Key Indicators That -5°C is Now ‘Warm’ in Canada:

☀️ People are wearing shorts. (Yes, actual shorts. In the snow.)
☀️ Someone has declared ‘Might take the bike out later.’ (Even though the roads are still covered in ice patches.)
☀️ The Tim Hortons drive-thru line has doubled. (Nobody’s in a rush to get inside anymore.)
☀️ People are washing their cars, despite the fact it’s going to snow again tomorrow.
☀️ There is at least one guy walking around in just a hoodie, pretending he isn’t freezing.

The Science Behind ‘T-Shirt Weather’ in Canada

According to meteorologists (who, let’s be honest, are just rolling dice at this point), Canadians’ perception of ‘warm’ is directly tied to how awful the last three months have been.

“After -40°C, anything above -10°C feels tropical,” explains one weather expert. “At -5°C, the human brain briefly forgets what summer feels like and assumes this is as good as it gets.”

The concept of ‘Relative Warmth Syndrome’ (a condition exclusive to Canadians) means that once it warms up even slightly, people start doing stupid things like barbecuing in their driveways in March.

Alberta Tries to One-Up Winnipeg

Not to be outdone, Alberta has officially declared -10°C ‘beach weather’, with Calgarians reportedly drinking Caesars on patios and telling people ‘the sun feels warm today.’

Meanwhile, in Newfoundland, locals remain unimpressed.

“We don’t even bother putting on gloves ‘til it hits -20°C, b’y,” said one man in St. John’s while scraping ice off his windshield with a Metro grocery flyer.

Government Response: ‘We Have No Control Over This’

The federal government has released absolutely no statement on the matter, mostly because they’re still busy pretending they can fix inflation.

Meanwhile, meteorologists are cautiously optimistic that spring might actually show up this year. However, Environment Canada is already hedging its bets, forecasting either a mild, early spring or another six months of winter, depending on ‘what the jet stream decides to do.’

So, you know. Typical.

Final Thoughts: Enjoy the Heatwave While It Lasts

As Canadians soak up this glorious -5°C heatwave, it’s important to remember that another blizzard is probably on the way, followed by two weeks of rain and maybe some tornadoes for variety.

Until then, enjoy the patio drinks and pretend you aren’t shivering.