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Why Does Every Tim Hortons Have a Line, Even at 3 AM?
Why does EVERY Tim Hortons have a lineup, no matter what time of day? Whether itās 3 PM or 3 AM, there are always at least seven cars in the drive-thru, three confused customers inside, and one guy paying for a single coffee with nickels.
š By Linda Furiously ā Winnipeg, Manitoba
I Just Want a Coffee, Not a Life Commitment
Can someone please explain to me why every single Tim Hortons in this country has a lineup, no matter what time of day or night it is?
I could show up at 5 AM, 2 PM, or 3 AM on a Tuesday, and somehow, miraculously, thereās always a lineup of at least seven cars, three people inside waiting for their mobile orders, and one confused guy who somehow still doesnāt know what he wants.
This isnāt even about rush hour, morning commuters, or weekend hockey dads ordering for an entire team. No, this is about the existential nightmare that is Tim Hortons line culture.
Who Are These People?
Seriously. Who is keeping Tim Hortons in business at 3 AM?
At that time of night, you expect to see a couple of exhausted truckers, a shift worker or two, maybe a drunk guy who just needs a bagel before facing his life decisions. But noāthereās always a full-blown traffic jam in the drive-thru like weāre waiting for Stanley Cup tickets.
And inside? Still a lineup!
What kind of night owl society have we created where the lineup never disappears? Is there some kind of Tim Hortons time loop we donāt know about?
Why Is the Drive-Thru So Slow?
Nothing fuels my rage quite like watching the drive-thru take 15 minutes for three cars.
What are they doing in there? Hand-churning the cream? Growing the coffee beans on-site? Are they waiting for the bagel dough to rise?
And letās not forget the one customer who ruins everything by ordering four dozen Timbits and a box of assorted bagels at 2 AM.
Buddy. This is not a catering service.
Just get a double-double, take your six Timbits, and leave like the rest of us.
The Mystery of the One Cash Register
Inside, itās the same nightmare.
Why is there only ever ONE register open?
You could have ten people in line, a second register just sitting there collecting dust, and five employees behind the counterāall looking busy but doing nothing to move the lineup.
Heaven forbid someone try to pay with anything other than tap. Now we have to witness the epic struggle of entering a PIN, as if this was a brand-new concept weāve never encountered before.
And if someone orders something slightly complicatedālike, say, an iced cappuccino? Forget it. The entire system crashes.
The Unwritten Rules of Tims Lineups
At this point, I have accepted that Tim Hortons lineups are just part of Canadian life, like potholes, overpriced cell phone bills, and the Leafs losing in the first round.
But if weāre all stuck in this caffeine purgatory, can we at least agree on some basic rules?
ā Know your order BEFORE you get to the front. No one has time for your existential crisis over which donut to pick.
ā If you’re paying with cash, have it ready. This isnāt a surprise transaction.
ā The drive-thru is for QUICK ORDERS. If you need a catering menu, go inside.
ā If thereās a lineup inside and outside, just accept your fate. You chose this life.
Conclusion: Just Give Me My Coffee, Please
At this point, I have accepted my fate. There is no “off-peak” time for Tim Hortons. There is no magical moment when the lineup disappears.
Tim Hortons is an eternal force, and we are merely caffeine-dependent players in its cruel, never-ending game.At press time, I was still waiting in line.
