Céline Dion & The Tragically Hip Added to Canadian Citizenship Test

📝 By Juno Moose – Montreal, Quebec

OTTAWA – Aspiring Canadian citizens will now have to prove their cultural loyalty by answering questions about Céline Dion and The Tragically Hip, according to new changes in the official citizenship test.

The federal government announced the update this week, declaring that understanding Céline Dion’s emotional ballads and Gord Downie’s poetic lyrics is now considered a fundamental part of being Canadian.

“Knowing our history is important, sure,” said Immigration Minister Paul Bouchard, “but so is knowing the words to ‘My Heart Will Go On’ and at least three Tragically Hip songs. Otherwise, are you really Canadian?”

The move is already proving controversial, with some critics arguing that forcing newcomers to care about a 1990s rock band and Quebec’s greatest diva is unnecessary. Others, however, are calling it the most important policy decision in years.

What’s Changing on the Test?

The new, revised Canadian citizenship test will still cover traditional topics, such as government structure, Indigenous history, and geography, but will now include:

🎤 Mandatory Céline Dion Knowledge:
✔️ What song is legally required to be played at every French-Canadian wedding? (Answer: ‘Pour que tu m’aimes encore’ or ‘My Heart Will Go On’)
✔️ What should you do when ‘It’s All Coming Back to Me Now’ starts playing in a public place? (Answer: Close your eyes dramatically and pretend you’re in a music video.)

🎸 Tragically Hip Essentials:
✔️ Which province has the national right to claim ownership over The Tragically Hip? (Answer: Ontario, but this will spark an argument.)
✔️ How many beers deep should you be before attempting to explain what ‘Bobcaygeon’ is about? (Answer: At least four, preferably five.)
✔️ What must you say after someone plays ‘Ahead by a Century’? (Answer: “Rest in peace, Gord.”)

🎶 Bonus Section:
✔️ “Identify these Canadian legends by their voices.” (Includes Céline, Gord Downie, Anne Murray, and Bryan Adams yelling “WOOO!”)

Government officials insist this is not an unreasonable addition but rather a cultural safeguard against Americans accidentally sneaking in.

“We don’t want people getting confused about which side of the border they belong on,” said one official. “If they can’t explain what a ‘Hundredth Meridian’ is, do they really deserve citizenship?”

The Debate: Necessary or Ridiculous?

Critics argue that this move is exclusionary, suggesting that forcing people to memorize lyrics instead of focusing on civics is a step too far.

“What does knowing Céline Dion’s entire discography have to do with democracy?” asked one immigration lawyer. “I mean, sure, she’s a national treasure, but I don’t think she wrote the Constitution.”

Supporters, however, say this is long overdue.

“You think it’s unreasonable?” said Tim Greer, a lifelong Hip fan. “Buddy, if you don’t know The Tragically Hip, what are you even doing here? You might as well be American.”

Meanwhile, Quebec has applauded the move, with Premier François Tremblay suggesting that future citizens should also be tested on how many times they’ve cried listening to Céline Dion.

How Will This Be Enforced?

To ensure compliance, the government is rolling out several testing measures, including:

📀 Listening Stations at Immigration Offices. Aspiring Canadians will be asked to listen to ‘Courage’ by The Tragically Hip and explain, in their own words, why it makes them feel vaguely emotional.
📺 Reaction Tests. Applicants will be shown a clip of Céline Dion hitting a high note. If they don’t physically react in awe, they fail.
🎤 Spontaneous Karaoke. New citizens may be asked to perform ‘Summer of ’69’ at any point during the ceremony.At press time, citizenship test tutors were scrambling to update their study guides, and at least one new arrival was seen frantically Googling “Why is Gord Downie important?”