About The Maple Curtain

Welcome to The Maple Curtain, Canada’s premier (and entirely made-up) source for hard-hitting satire, passive-aggressive news, and the kind of journalism that would make a government committee weep.

We cover Canadian politics, sports, entertainment, and life north of the 49th parallel with a sharp wit and an even sharper sense of national exhaustion. Whether it’s Ottawa’s latest bureaucratic disaster, the Leafs’ annual playoff heartbreak, or a suspiciously polite small-town scandal, we’re here to report it — with just enough sarcasm to keep things interesting.

Meet Our So-Called Journalists:

Our dedicated team of completely fictional writers includes:

• Karen Taxley – A bureaucratic veteran who writes like she’s been trapped in a government committee meeting for 20 years.
• Randy Slapchuk – A hockey-obsessed ranter who remembers when the game was “real” and still hasn’t recovered from ‘93.
• Juno Moose – A pop culture enthusiast who believes every moment in Canadian history should have a Heritage Minute.
• Wade Frost – A weather cynic who assumes every winter will last forever and that meteorologists are just making things up.
• Lenny Loonie – An economic expert (or at least a guy who really, really loves toonies) with financial advice you should probably ignore.

Disclaimer: Don’t Take This Too Seriously, Eh?

The Maple Curtain is a satirical publication and should not be mistaken for actual news, responsible journalism, or anything resembling factual reporting. All articles, opinions, and classified ads are entirely fictional, exaggerated, and written for comedic purposes.

Any resemblance to real events, politicians, or hockey teams choking in the playoffs is purely coincidental (but let’s be honest, statistically inevitable).If you find yourself offended, confused, or questioning reality, just remember: It’s all a joke, buddy. Now, go grab a double-double and carry on. 🚨🍁