Terms and Conditions

Effective Date: March 15, 2025

Welcome to The Maple Curtain! By accessing our website, you agree to the following terms. If you don’t agree, you have two options: close this tab or accept that you’re about to experience peak Canadian satire.

1. Introduction

These Terms and Conditions (“Terms”) govern your use of The Maple Curtain (“the website”). By visiting, browsing, or engaging with our content, you acknowledge that:
✔️ Nothing here is real—it’s satire.
✔️ We take humor seriously, but not much else.
✔️ If you don’t like what you read, that’s on you.

If any of this makes you uncomfortable, just go outside, touch some snow, and move on.

2. Use of the Website

By using The Maple Curtain, you agree to:
✔️ Read our content with a grain of salt (or a jug of maple syrup).
✔️ Not take anything here as fact, legal advice, or actual journalism.
✔️ Accept that we are not responsible for your outrage.

🚨 Prohibited Uses:
🚫 Trying to sue us because you believed one of our ridiculous headlines.
🚫 Copying our content and passing it off as your own (unless you give us full credit and a basket of Timbits).
🚫 Hacking, spamming, or doing anything that makes the site glitch harder than the Leafs’ defense in overtime.

3. Content Ownership

All content on The Maple Curtain—including articles, graphics, and absurd conspiracy theories—is our intellectual property. That means:
✔️ You can share our articles (with credit, of course).
✔️ You cannot steal our content and pass it off as your own (seriously, don’t be that guy).
✔️ We reserve the right to make fun of anyone who violates this (in a legal, non-sueable way).

4. User-Generated Content

If you leave a comment, submit a letter to the editor, or otherwise engage with our site, you agree that:
✔️ We can use, display, or make fun of your content.
✔️ You will not post anything illegal, harmful, or aggressively un-Canadian.
✔️ If you post something truly unhinged, we reserve the right to delete it, mock it, or frame it for future satire.

5. Disclaimers & No Liability (Seriously, None)

🚨 The Maple Curtain is a satirical publication. That means:

• We do not provide real news.
• We are not responsible for you taking our satire too seriously.
• If you make a life decision based on our articles, that’s on you.

We take zero responsibility for:

• Your hurt feelings.
• Your inability to recognize humor.
• Your bad choices, financial losses, or existential crises triggered by our content.

If you need real news, try CBC, CTV, or a particularly talkative Tim Hortons cashier.

6. Privacy & Cookies

We collect minimal data, mostly for analytics and improving the site. For full details, check out our [Privacy Policy] and [Cookie Policy], both written with the same level of sarcasm.

Want to delete your cookies? Go ahead, but don’t blame us when half the internet stops working.

7. Changes to These Terms

We may update these Terms whenever we feel like it. If we do, we’ll:
✔️ Update this page.
✔️ Maybe post about it (but probably not).
✔️ Assume you’re fine with it if you keep using the site.

8. Contact Us

If you have any questions about these Terms (or just want to yell at us in a polite, Canadian manner), you can reach us at:
📧 sorry@themaplecurtain.com

Now that you’ve read this, you’re officially part of The Maple Curtain experience. Welcome aboard, and remember: it’s just satire, buddy. 🚨🍁