đ¨ Disclaimer: The Maple Curtain is a satirical publicationânothing here is real, including our so-called journalists. Take it easy, eh? đ
đ¨ Disclaimer: The Maple Curtain is a satirical publicationânothing here is real, including our so-called journalists. Take it easy, eh? đ
On this day in history, Canada accidentally invented âehâ and has regretted it ever since. Originally meant as a simple conversational tool, it became a national stereotype and the most recognizable part of the Canadian accent.
A secret Tim Hortons menu exists, but the government doesnât want you to know about it. From forbidden breakfast sandwiches to caffeine-fueled super-drinks, this is the greatest fast-food cover-up in Canadian history.
Is the CN Tower just a giant surveillance device disguised as a landmark? Some Canadians think so. From suspicious antennas to unexplained tech failures nearby, the truth may be bigger than we think.
Canada declared the arrival of springâonly for the country to be immediately hit by a brutal blizzard named âHahahaha.â Meteorologists saw it coming, but Canadians are once again furious. Read the full disaster here.
Maple syrup prices have skyrocketed as Canada officially weaponizes its sweetest export. With the government tightening control over supply, syrup smuggling is on the rise, and black market bottles are selling for record prices. Read the full sticky situation here.
Beer league veteran Ryan "Rhino" McAllister announced his retirement at age 42âonly to realize nobody noticed. With no press conference, no media coverage, and no sendoff, McAllister is left wondering if he actually retired at all. Read the full story here.
Ontario has officially allocated 100% of its 2024 budget to fixing the QEW, ensuring permanent roadwork, endless traffic cones, and lane mergers that make no sense. Expect delays⌠forever.
The Canadian government has announced a new Department of Common Sense, but has already failed to hire anyone. Bureaucracy strikes again.
The Canadian government has introduced a controversial new "Breathing Tax," charging citizens for every inhale, exhale, and sigh. Is this a joke? Unfortunately, no.
Canadians are taking politeness too far by holding doors open from ridiculous distances. If someone is 30 feet away, LET IT CLOSE. We can fix this.
