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🚨 Disclaimer: The Maple Curtain is a satirical publication—nothing here is real, including our so-called journalists. Take it easy, eh? 🍁

🚨 Disclaimer: The Maple Curtain is a satirical publication—nothing here is real, including our so-called journalists. Take it easy, eh? 🍁

The Maple Curtain | Satirical Canadian News
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The Maple Curtain | Satirical Canadian News

Latest Stories

netflix corner gas

Netflix Canada Replaces Entire Comedy Section with Just “Corner Gas”

why are you broke

Canadian Banks Charge $5 Fee to Check Why You Have No Money

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Beer League Introduces VAR — Delayed Offside Calls Now Reviewed Over Wings and Beer

Top News

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Canada to Replace Parliament Hill with Giant Ikea — “More Efficient, Plus Meatballs”

saskatchewan still here

Government Accidentally Forgets Saskatchewan Exists in Latest Budget

curling team fluke champs

Northern Ontario Curling Team Accidentally Qualifies for Nationals After “Boys Weekend” Gone Too Well

Netflix Canada Removes Last Canadian Show, Declares “Good Riddance”

Netflix Canada Removes Last Canadian Show, Declares “Good Riddance”

buy low sell never

“Buy Low, Sell Never” Strategy Gains Popularity Among Broke Millennials

Sports & Entertainment

Netflix Canada Replaces Entire Comedy Section with Just “Corner Gas”

CFL Team Accidentally Wins Grey Cup, Doesn’t Realize Until Parade Day

New Heritage Minute to Feature Tim Hortons Fight Over Last Boston Cream

Beer League Introduces VAR — Delayed Offside Calls Now Reviewed Over Wings and Beer

Northern Ontario Curling Team Accidentally Qualifies for Nationals After “Boys Weekend” Gone Too Well

Netflix Canada Removes Last Canadian Show, Declares “Good Riddance”

CFL Fans Furious Over Rules Change, Despite Not Knowing What They Were Before

Céline Dion & The Tragically Hip Added to Canadian Citizenship Test

CBC Announces New Drama About Sad People in a Cold Place

Beer League Player Announces Retirement at 42, Waits for Press Conference That Never Comes

New Quebec Law Requires All Movies to Include at Least One Poutine Scene

CFL Playoff System Finally Explained—Experts Still Confused

Canadian Heritage Committee Declares Nickelback ‘Historically Significant’

Toronto Maple Leafs Announce ‘Early Exit’ Ticket Packages to Manage Fan Expectations

New Canadian Netflix Law Requires 50% of All Content to Feature Gordon Pinsent or a Moose

Toronto Maple Leafs Announce Five-Year Plan to Lose in Round 2 Instead of Round 1

Business | Economy | Politics

Dollar Store Introduces VIP Section for $4 Items

Poutine Futures Up 400% After Rumour of Nationwide Curds Shortage

Canadian Banks Charge $5 Fee to Check Why You Have No Money

Canada to Replace Parliament Hill with Giant Ikea — “More Efficient, Plus Meatballs”

Government Accidentally Forgets Saskatchewan Exists in Latest Budget

The Truth About Canadian Tire Money—Is It Actually Government-Issued Crypto?

“Buy Low, Sell Never” Strategy Gains Popularity Among Broke Millennials

Investors Shocked: Canadian Penny Still Worth Nothing

Tim Hortons Now Charging Extra for the Bag to Carry Your Overpriced Donuts

Loblaws Announces New “Empty Bag” for $4.99, Calls It a Premium Grocery Experience

Maple Syrup Prices Soar as Canada Weaponizes Its Sweetest Export

Ontario’s New Budget: 100% of Funds Now Allocated to Fixing the QEW

Government Creates Department of Common Sense, Immediately Fails to Hire Anyone

Canada Announces New Tax on Breathing, Just to See If Anyone Notices

Loonie Now Worth Less Than a Costco Hot Dog—Investors Panic

Government Announces Bold Plan to Study the Housing Crisis for Another Decade

Weather & History

When Winnipeg Froze So Hard in ’83, People Just Stayed Inside ‘Til May

Blizzard Forecasted to Last Until Maple Syrup Season—Locals Call It “Fine”

On This Day: Quebec Almost Left Canada But Got Distracted by a Sugar Shack

The Leafs Last Won the Cup in 1967 – Historians Debate If It Even Really Happened

Newfoundland Weatherman Quits, Says He’s “Tired of Lying”

The Great 1987 Poutine Shortage: A Nation in Crisis

On This Day: Canada Invents “Eh,” Immediately Regrets It

Canada Declares Spring, Immediately Hit by Blizzard Named “Hahahaha”

On This Day: The Time Alberta Tried to Leave Canada (But Nobody Noticed)

Environment Canada Declares ‘We Have No Idea What’s Happening Anymore’

Winnipeg Declares ‘T-Shirt Weather’ at -5°C

Conspiracies & Rants

Is the CBC Using Subtle Moose Noises to Control Our Dreams?

Why Are There 42 Types of Bagged Milk and NONE That Open Properly?!

Why Is Every Moose in Canada Watching Us?

Canadian Tire: You Sell Everything But What I Actually Need

Why Does Every Tim Hortons Have a Line, Even at 3 AM?

Tim Hortons’ Secret Menu: The Government Doesn’t Want You to Know About It

Is the CN Tower Just a Giant Cell Phone Tower for Spying on Us?

Canadians Need to STOP Holding the Door Open from 30 Feet Away

Are Tim Hortons Cup Lids Designed to Leak on Purpose?

Trending now

curling team fluke champs
Northern Ontario Curling Team Accidentally Qualifies for Nationals After “Boys Weekend” Gone Too Well
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Dollar Store Introduces VIP Section for $4 Items
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Loblaws CEO Recommends Canadians ‘Just Stop Eating’ to Save Money
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