A secret Tim Hortons menu exists, but the government doesn’t want you to know about it. From forbidden breakfast sandwiches to caffeine-fueled super-drinks, this is the greatest fast-food cover-up in Canadian history.

Canada declared the arrival of spring—only for the country to be immediately hit by a brutal blizzard named “Hahahaha.” Meteorologists saw it coming, but Canadians are once again furious. Read the full disaster here.

Maple syrup prices have skyrocketed as Canada officially weaponizes its sweetest export. With the government tightening control over supply, syrup smuggling is on the rise, and black market bottles are selling for record prices. Read the full sticky situation here.

Pierre Poilievre vows to “bring home” the Canadian economy but appears to have no idea where it actually is. Meanwhile, Trudeau reassures the public using 47 words that mean nothing.